October 13, 2007– Got Married
December 26, 2010– Decided to start trying for a baby
December 26, 2011– Thinking nothing of the fact that it hasn’t happened yet. Loving my marriage and the growth that has taken place over the past 4 years. Keeping the info that we are trying a secret from my family so it will be a surprise when it happens.
June 17, 2012– 2 weeks late thought I was possibly pregnant on our family vacation. Tested BFN when we got home. Made doctor’s appointment for Urine test, came back BFN.
June 25, 2012– Still no AF, bought pregnancy book and Caveman book as surprise for husband thinking it’s just a late BFP.
June 29, 2012– AF arrives with no explanation for being so late, but still no red flags for us.
January 18, 2013– Start praying a little more intently for pregnancy. Starting to get impatient for the first time.
June 8, 2013– Find out baby brother and sister in law are pregnant after being married only 5 months. Feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. Very excited for them but now starting to realize something isn’t normal.
At my Gyno checkup this month, my doctor recommends that I go for an HSG test after I had blood work done and nothing came back abnormal. I had slight elevated Prolactin but she said it wasn’t anything that would raise a concern.
July 4, 2013– Turning point in my TTC journey after another devastating BFN. Another friend is pregnant and I’m finding that I’m angry at God and confused. See my “He saved me…again” post for this day.
July 9, 2013– HSG test day. Talk about uncomfortable and pretty painful, but really incredible to be able to see. Nothing is blocked and no irregularities show up. PTL! Doctor made a mistake of mentioning something about the chances of getting pregnant go up after an HSG test usually for the next few months. So I’m very hopeful for the next few months and even starting charting my ovulation for the first time because I don’t want to miss our opportunity.
July 29, 2013– I go in for more blood work to check progesterone after ovulation. My prolactin comes in slightly elevated still at 33.8 and my progesterone is at 9.58 which they said they would like to see it be higher. So, she recommends me to a Reproductive Endocrinologist to do an ultrasound and to offer other suggestions.
August 6, 2013– AF is 3 days late so I take a HPT and it comes back BFN. I just continue to torture myself with these things.
August 13, 2013– I met with the RE and she did an ultrasound to check my ovaries for any abnormalities. Everything came back clear and she saw nothing wrong. She also said that although my blood tests came back not quite ideal, none of it was cause for concern. She said that we could try starting Clomid but that we were young and she didn’t think it was necessary yet. I also had a friend that went on Clomid and said it was awful so I did not want to put myself through that.
December 28, 2013 – I started writing this blog as an outlet for dealing with our frustrations and challenges.
January 2, 2014– I choose the word “Peace” for my word for the year because of the anxiety and worry battle that takes place in my mind every month. I want peace about our future children, whatever that looks like. I also started my first fast. I want to cleanse my body of all the toxins and impurities and focus on God during this time.
January 18, 2014– I chose Proverbs 3:5-6 to be a verse of focus during this time.
January 20, 2014– Started a journal to our future baby believing it will happen soon. I’m filling it with bible verses I’m praying for and over our unborn child.
January 29, 2014- I shared my testimony about our TTC struggles with my volleyball team during our team devotion time. This was my first time to share this with someone outside my family. We were talking about trusting God and His plan even if we don’t understand it.
February 1, 2014– Received a call from a friend that started TTC about 6 months before us that her IUI procedure was successful and she was finally pregnant!
February 25, 2014– My friend miscarried. I am devastated because I feel we are in this together. I don’t know what to think or how to respond.
March 13, 2014– I’m noticing a very real struggle now within me. Every month after ovulation, the TWW is causing so much anxiety. I feel this struggle to breathe or function during this time. It’s so hard to explain.
March 30, 2014– Started charting my BBT as I’m preparing to see an acupuncturist that specializes in fertility.
April 4, 2014– I lose the ability to pray anymore. I don’t know how to talk to God about this anymore. I’m overwhelmed and for the time being I let my DH be the one that talks to God.
April 7, 2014– DH asks me the question that changes a lot, “What if God’s answer for a baby is, No?” Does that change my commitment to Him? I admit that I am afraid He is going to ask me to wait a long time. so I’d rather be angry at Him. I decide I don’t want to live that way. I love God too much to live angry at Him.
April 12, 2014- I decide to get a tattoo to represent what God has done in this time of waiting.
April 29, 2014– 1st Acupuncture appointment! Amazingly relaxing. She says that I should be pregnant in 3 months after assessing me an asking questions. She gives me herbs to take and walks me through several changes I have to make to my diet. DH and I commit to trying this for 3 months and if nothing happens we will move on.
May 17, 2014– Charting BBT sucks! That’s the best way to put it. It’s awful for my need to control, it like magnifies that problem and makes me all the more obsessive. I’m 7dpo and my bbt dropped this morning and I just started bawling! So, of course, the googling begins and I find out that it could be implantation. So I drive myself crazy thinking about that.
May 23, 2014– 1st month of acupuncture failed. AF arrived yesterday and it’s a can’t breathe, just try to keep my head above the water kind of day.
May 31, 2014– Did a boudoir photo shoot for my husband for our anniversary! Hey, might as well take advantage of my pre-pregnancy body any way I can now!!
June 21, 2014– 2nd month of acupuncture fails. My acupuncturist is surprised and thought it would be for sure right now. She tells me if it hasn’t happened by the next month then we need to have DH checked. See we haven’t done that yet because he keeps putting it off. I know he doesn’t want to have to if he can avoid it.
I will say it was nice this month at least when AF arrived to be out of school for the summer so I didn’t have to put on my happy face for anyone. I could just deal with it by myself at home. What a relief.
July 11, 2014– I’m scared this month. I’m scared that acupuncture will fail. I’m scared that my attempt to do this without hormones or complex procedures will fail and I’ll have to come up with what to do next.
July 23, 2014– AF arrived. Acupuncture did not solve our problem. Now what??
August 9, 2014– DH goes for testing. Finally!
August 12, 2014– DH’s test came back with awesome results. All 6 categories that were tested in the SA were above average. Great news, but now seems to put us in that dreaded category. Unexplained infertility.
October 19, 2014 – During a time for prayer at church, I believe God spoke the words “5 years” to me and that during this time we are to get our financial, marital, and spiritual lives in order. I do not know what this time period means or if I even heard correctly. But I felt like it popped into my head and was very clear. Honestly, it scared me a little bit because if it means 5 more years of waiting that’s a long time.
October 29, 2014 – Decide to stop restricting my exercise and just enjoy running again after taking almost 8 months off. I can’t stop living my life for however many years it takes us to get pregnant.
April 26, 2015 – Ran my Big Sur Marathon!
April 29. 2015 – I find out my friend that has been trying for many years is pregnant! What a joyous day this is! And an answer to several years of prayer!
May 4, 2015 – Quit my job as a Middle School Teacher and Coach. After 9 years at a place I love, but that lead to lots of stress and anxiety, I believe that what’s best for me at this point is to take some time to let my body and mind rest.
September 4, 2015 – We put our house on the market. If we don’t have children yet, we have the flexibility to sell in a hot market and build our dream home!
September 23, 2015 – Scratch that, we are not going to build our dream home yet, instead we are going to buy a home in a new town to flip and sell. This is something I would’ve never considered doing before because of the risk. But God is doing some awesome things with the time we’ve been given for just the 2 of us and I believe this will be a blessing.
October 22, 2015 – Our first home together, SOLD! On to a new chapter in our lives!
October 29, 2015 – Officially debt free! We are getting that financial house in order so when those babies do come we have our stuff together!
November 12, 2015 – Beginning to anxiously anticipate the 5 year anniversary of our decision to try to have children coming up in December. What if God’s “5 year” word means this will be the time? But what if it doesn’t? Then what does it mean?
December 8, 2015 – My sweet friend has her miracle baby and it reminds me that God is good and has perfect timing!
December 17, 2015 – Moved into our new home in Celina, TX. Excited to see what God has in store for us here!
December 28, 2015 – AF is 5 days late. Could this be it? At the 5 year mark, could it finally be our turn?
December 29, 2015 – AF arrived. Devastation. Confusion. Anger. Sorrow.
January 11, 2016 – Finally recover from disappointing December. Back to a positive mindset.
January 21, 2016 – Begin first women’s bible study at our new church.
February 11, 2016 – Pick new verse for the year: “Let your eyes look forward; fix your gaze straight ahead. Carefully consider the path of your feet, and all your ways will be established. ” Proverbs 4:25-27
April 7, 2016– Fully embracing “Vulnerability” and I’m starting my first women’s bible study as a table leader! I’m ready to share my story and I’m not ashamed of the place that my husband and I are currently in.
June 16, 2016 – Attend 1st essential oils meeting to learn about essential oils that can benefit fertility. I’ve been very curious about using this as an alternative method of medicine. I ordered my first items and will try them out at the beginning of my next cycle.
June 23, 2016 – 1st consultation with a newly recommended acupuncturist. DH and I have decided that now is a good time to begin the process again. She is wonderful! She’s not making me chart my BBT, which made me a crazy person the last time. She’s also not really restricting my diet apart from telling me I have to eat at least 1 egg a day. We will begin treatments at the end of my current cycle of which I am now on day 20. Waiting for AF once again.
July 8, 2016 – AF arrived, 2 days later than it has been over the last 5 months. Not nice AF, not nice.
July 11, 2016 – Began Doterra’s GX Assist 10 day gut cleanse to help with fertility. Eliminated all white flour products, anything with gluten, all sugar except what comes in berries and the ginger tea I have to make, peanuts, cheese, milk, and anything processed.
July 12, 2016 – 1st appointment with my new acupuncturist. Here we go.
July 15, 2016 – 2nd acupuncturist appointment. She says she thinks I will be an easy case (knock on wood). I spend 20 minutes with the needles, she checks on me and says they are working well (how she tells this I have no idea) and then she leaves me to relax with the needles for another 20 minutes. I always love how refreshed I feel after acupuncture, almost like I’m floating on a cloud.
July 18, 2016 – 3rd acupuncture appointment. She takes my pulse and says that my hormones are good but she would like to see them a little stronger at this point in the cycle. We may have to be patient she says (meaning it will probably take more than one cycle). Ha, I feel as though I have perfected the art of patience by now. Although, I’m sure at any moment something could show me I, in fact, have not. After my 40 minutes with the needles, she tells me good luck, and sends me off. I won’t see her again unless AF arrives at the end of the cycle.
July 20, 2016 – Finish 10 day Gut cleanse and now I’m starting my Probiotic part of the cycle, still while taking the Phytoestrogen pill.